Sunday, August 28, 2005
Car-pool spirituality
Travel offers prime time for lessons about God
Modern parents impart spiritual values from the driver's seat of the minivan, as they transport youngsters to school, sports and other activities.
"That's my quality time with my kids," said Cindy Hammons, a mother of three in Tioga, Texas, about 50 miles north of Dallas.
At home, laundry, cooking and other chores beckon. But in the car, "you have the time to give them that conversation. You know you have a set amount of time to talk with them."
The Rev. Jill Jackson-Sears, pastor of Inglewood United Methodist Church in Grand Prairie, Texas, said she and her two young children like to sing hymns together in the car - a tradition her toddler initiated.
"We probably wouldn't do it any other place," she said.
Jackson-Sears spends two to three hours a day in the car, shuttling between home, child care and her office.
A lot of car time
According to a 2003 study by the U.S. Department of Transportation, children 5 and younger spent an average of 65 minutes a day in the car. (Until that survey, the department kept no such statistics for youngsters. That changed when experts began to suspect that parents transporting kids were contributing significantly to traffic congestion.)
And a University of Michigan study showed that while parents are spending slightly more time with their kids than 20 years ago, much of that additional time is in the car.
So, some parents devise creative strategies for turning car time into devotional time.
Melissa Rembecki, a member of St. Andrew's Christian Church in Carrollton, Texas, uses sights and sounds on the road as starting points for spiritual lessons with her five children, ages 4 to 11.
If an ambulance passes by, for example, she'll invite the kids to pray for the injured or ill person. If they drive past someone in a wheelchair, she'll ask, "How do you suppose people treat that person?"
Seeing homeless people along the road, she and her children decided to make up "Special Sacks" containing snacks, grooming items and Bible verses. They keep a stash in the trunk.
"We talked about how homeless people are part of God's family," she said. "We talked about what might be helpful for a homeless person and what we could do."
The Rev. Marsha Engle Middleton, senior pastor of First United Methodist Church in Mesquite, Texas, sings songs with her two toddlers while shuttling them between home, day care and the office. The tunes are a starting point for discussions.
"If we're singing 'Jesus Loves Me,' then I'll ask, 'Who's Jesus? Where is Jesus now? Does Jesus love you?'" she said.
Middleton finds that the car is a good place to connect with older children, too.
When she worked a youth minister, she said, "if I wanted to talk about spiritual topics, often I could accomplish more in the vehicle on the way to a camping trip or a mission trip than at the destination. You have a captive audience, the kids don't have to look at you eye-to-eye, and they're more relaxed." Teens would open up about things that bothered them ("I'm mad at God because my grandpa died") and were willing to discuss topics such as a news item or song on the radio.
Audio books
Hammons recently listened to an audio version of "The Chronicles of Narnia" with her three children, who are 9, 8 and 4. Out of the car, she said, audio books might not engage the kids' attention, "but they'll listen in the car, especially if Mom gets into it with them."
But Mimi Doe, an author and founder of the Web site SpiritualParenting.com, said parents needn't feel they must fill every moment of commuting time with spiritual curricula. She urged parents to use car time to downshift from the hectic pace of the day. Turn off the cellphone and radio, and enjoy the silence.
"Don't make this another thing to add to your to-do list," she said. "Turn the car into an oasis, a serenity tank on wheels. Think of it as a moveable platform for connectivity with your kids."
Susan Garrett, co-author of "Making Time for God: Daily Devotions for Children and Families to Share," said parent-chauffeurs should keep in mind the most powerful teaching tool: example. An outburst of road rage teaches many lessons, but not the ones parents want.
"We are always imparting spiritual values, whether conscious of it or not," said Garrett, a New Testament professor at Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary.
"Children are absorbing all kinds of information about how we respond to situations, the way we deal with people, how we respond to stress."
Doe recommended that parents invoke a universal spiritual practice in the car: being present in the moment. Instead of getting caught up in the rush or bemoaning an onerous driving schedule, she said, use driving duty to consciously appreciate time with children.
Because, believe it or not, carpool won't last forever.
"Once your children are driving themselves," she said, "you will deeply miss your time in the car with them."
By Mary Jacobs
The Dallas Morning News
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