TruthBook Religious News Blog

January 03, 2009
By Janice Shaw Crouse

The latest issue of The Journal of Communication and Religion (November 2008, Volume 31, Number 2) contains an excellent analysis of the importance of opposite-sex parent relationships. The common sense conclusion is backed up with social science data and affirmed by a peer-reviewed scholarly article: girls need a dad, and boys need a mom.

The authors, G.L. Forward, Alison Sansom-Livolsi, and Jordanna McGovern, stress the fact that a family is more than merely a group of individuals who live under the same roof. They cite numerous studies indicating that parents play a crucial role in a child's personal and social development. In fact, a child's relationship with his or her parents is the single most important factor in predicting that child's long-term happiness, adjustment, development, educational attainment, and success. Beyond that general information, studies indicate that girls get better support from the family than do boys. Girls feel closer to their parents, perhaps because parents converse with and express emotion more readily with daughters than with sons. In general, mothers spend far more time with daughters than with sons. Likewise, fathers spend more time with sons than with their daughters. Yet, father-daughter and mother-son relationships tend to have greater impact on a child's future intimate relationships than their relationship with the same-sex parent.

The survey, given to students at two private, church-related universities in Southern California, asked students to evaluate their family's relationship satisfaction, religiosity, and communication behaviors with the opposite-sex parent. Specifically, the study looked at the openness, assurance, dependency, and religiosity between the student and his or her mother or father.

Dependency - The authors define dependency as the attachment and emotional bonding that provides security that continues throughout a child's lifetime. Healthy dependence is essential for autonomy. Ironically, parent-child dependency provides the foundation that enables the child to separate from the parents as he or she matures and becomes an adult. Social and emotional growth stems from a secure attachment - having a safe haven with parents enables a child to move away from their secure base to explore autonomy and independence as an adolescent and emerging adult. In other words, the more secure the base, the easier it is for a child to leave the nest; they know that the parents are there and feel secure enough to transition into a confident adulthood.

Openness - When parents and children openly and comfortably share their thoughts and emotions, the transition into healthy adulthood is easier. Further, such openness assists the child in decision-making. Greater interaction leads to fewer family problems. Parents who express love, offer frequent praise, and encourage give-and-take produce adolescents who are less likely to engage in dangerous behaviors when alone or with friends.

Assurance - A child's self-esteem is strongly linked to parental assurance of worth. A vote of confidence from parents is particularly significant to adolescents. In fact, the ability to communicate assurance to a child is identified as a key to parental success. Successful parents give a child a sense of worth and lovability; coercive parents imply untrustworthiness and incompetence. These communication patterns especially affect girls; a father's open encouragement and supportive attitude makes a daughter feel confident and creates a greater sense of personal worth.

Religiosity - The authors cited numerous studies that link religious beliefs and practices to a strong family unit and noted the fact that the most noticeable impact of religiosity is during adolescence. The majority of studies found an inverse relationship between religiosity and high-risk adolescent behaviors (drinking, drug use, sexual activity, depression, etc.). Other studies indicate a strong relationship between the family's religious belief and practice and a teen's emotional health and family well-being. This is especially true of teenage boys.

Labels: boys, fathers, girls, identity, Janice Shaw Crouse, mothers, parents, The Journal of Communication and Religion

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Sunday, May 13, 2007

Love Thy Mother this Mother's Day

By Lauren Green

A recent Barna Group survey shows that women raising children are among the most faith-minded and spiritually active segments of the American population. Three-quarters of moms identify "family" to be their highest priority. The report concludes that "compared to men, women are more likely to communicate about faith, prioritize activities that develop their faith and that of their children, and they are more vulnerable about their needs and emotions."

Barna Group president David Kinnamn said, "Whether they are a parent or not, women in America have high levels of spiritual sensitivity and engagement. Men generally lag behind the spirituality of women — and particularly so if they are not a father."

Putting this in theological terms, women are more likely to submit to, and humble themselves, under the authority of their faith, to better raise their children. In contrast, men's identities are more closely linked to being in control and taking charge of a situation. Submitting to a higher authority doesn't come naturally for them.

But it doesn't mean fathers aren't important. In fact, fathers provide the balance that children need for healthy development, says David Blankenhorn, the founder and president of Institute for American Values. His recent book "The Future of Marriage," talks about the great need to strengthen marriage for the sake of children's emotional and cognitive well being. Ironically, a mother's love is actually intensified when the father is present.

"What the great anthropologists will tell you about fathers, " Blankenhorn says, "is that there are two preconditions for being a good father. One is you live with the child, you're in the same home that the child is in, and two is, you get along with the mother."

But more and more children are growing up in fractured homes. According to the National Centers for Health Statistics, the percentage of births to unmarried mothers went from 10.7 percent in 1970, to 35.8 percent in 2004. And the U.S. Marriage Index shows that the percentage of children living with two married parents dropped 17 percent from 1970 to 2000.
Children are highly adaptable to most living situations. It's part of the human survival instinct. But Blankenhorn stresses that when adults intentionally bring children up in any other situation than a two parent household, it shows that adults are putting their needs ahead of that of the children.

"What the child really wants, at the deepest level of want and need, is for the two people, the mother and the father, who brought me into this world to love me and for me to love them and for them to love each other."

Blankenhorn says that women and men have different but similar parenting skills. They both love their children, but women are more concerned about the child's safety, while men think more about the child's accomplishments. If a child plays on a jungle gym, the mother says, "Be careful, don't hurt yourself," while the father asks, "How high can you climb?"

Which one's correct? "They both are," says Blankenhorn.

However, in the real world children are born into all kinds of situations, some better than others. The two parent model is becoming less and less the norm. So what's the solution?

I would propose that we can all learn the power and strength of a mother's love. That all of us are capable of giving unconditional love to children and all the people in our lives. And I will go further to say that all of us have this great need to be loved with the gentleness of a mother, and the strength of a father.

Labels: children, fathers, home, love, mothers, spirituality

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Friday, May 11, 2007

Study: Mothers Spiritually Active; Fathers Lag Behind

Mothers are among the most spiritually active segments of the America population, a new study found. They also outpace fathers in spiritual activity and commitment for the most part.

Audrey Barrick Correspondent
Monday, May. 7, 2007 Posted: 2:48:PM PST

Mothers are among the most spiritually active segments of the America population, a new study found. They also outpace fathers in spiritual activity and commitment for the most part.

The Barna research group revealed that three-quarters of women who are raising children said faith is very important in their life while only two-thirds of fathers agreed. The majority of mothers also said they have been greatly transformed by their faith compared to less than half of fathers.

Additionally, mothers were more likely than fathers to be born-again Christians, to say they are absolutely committed to Christianity, and to embrace a personal responsibility to share their faith in Jesus Christ with others.

In a typical week, mothers are more likely than are fathers to attend church, pray, read the Bible, participate in a small group, attend Sunday school, and volunteer some of their time to help a non-profit organization, the study showed. Fathers were only equally active with mothers when it came to volunteering to help at a church.

The Barna study further measured differences between younger and older mothers. Moms from the Buster generation (ages 23-41) show less passion for spirituality and less commitment to Christianity than moms from the Boomer generation (ages 42-60). Young moms are less likely to volunteer to help at a church, to read the Bible or to attend worship services at a church and they are less inclined to describe their faith as very important in their life compared to Boomer moms

Buster moms are in the crux of that challenge, being much more spiritually minded than young dads, but still wrestling with the Christian faith in ways Boomers did not. If moms are the spiritual backbone of families today – and they often are – it is imperative to find new approaches that help moms connect faith and family, especially for young mothers.

"Most Buster moms are currently married, but three out of ten are not and one-sixth have never been married, which is double the proportion found among Boomer moms. On a further note, the study found that among even younger moms – ages 18-22 – four out of five are not married. That shows how millions of young moms do not have the support of a husband when parenting, the study noted."Still, moms of every generation deserve an enormous amount of credit for empowering the spiritual pursuits of their family and, in turn, energizing faith in America," Kinnaman stated.

"Compared to men, women are more likely to communicate about faith, prioritize activities that develop their faith and that of their children, and they are more vulnerable about their needs and emotions."There is still room for growth among moms,” noted the report director, however.

“Church leaders and parents still need to focus on outcomes and the depth of their parenting efforts. Yet our nation would not be the same without the significant spiritual influence of mothers. Imagine the impact on our society if fathers were to simply match the intensity of their parenting peers."

An earlier study by the research group showed that parenting based on one's faith in God produced the most desired outcomes for Christian children exemplifying Christian morals and attitudes.

The latest Barna study is based on ten nationwide surveys on 10,035 adults, age 18 and older, conducted from January 2005 through January 2007.

Labels: Audrey Barrick, Barna Group, Bible, children, Christianity, faith, fathers, mothers

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Moms could use a little help from dads

Friday, May 11, 2007
Brent Castillo

There's no doubt that mothers are special. I've seen ones who have a bottomless well of forgiveness when their kids continually mess up. Most of the moms I know expend enormous effort trying to feed their children properly and making them presentable in public. And we all know the cliche can be true that "he's got a face only a mother could love."

A 2005 study shed light on why. It was done for the Mothers' Council and sponsored by the University of Minnesota, University of Connecticut and the Institute for American Values. More than 93 percent of the mothers surveyed said the love they feel for their children is unlike any other love they have experienced.

It's so strong that it often extends to other people's children. More than 92 percent agreed with the statement, "After becoming a mother, I found myself caring more about the well-being of all children, not just my own." And 8 out of 10 said mothers are more responsible than other adults for children in general.

The Barna Group recently published research that confirms what many church-goers already suspected: Moms also take the lead role in spirituality in the home. According to the research, mothers are more likely than fathers to attend church, pray, read the Bible, participate in a small group, attend Sunday school and volunteer time to a non-profit organization.

The council's survey also showed that more than 41 percent of the respondents worked full time. It seems to be something most feel compelled to do. Only about 16 percent said they prefer full-time work, and most would rather work part time or from home.

But staying home is no cakewalk. Many stay-at-home moms feel they never get to leave their work, because home is their job.

We expect a lot from our mothers, and they usually deliver. Unfortunately, less than half feel appreciated most of the time, the survey showed, and one-in-five felt less valued by society since becoming a mom.

We're wearing out our women. And it makes me wonder, where are the men?

These women didn't become mothers on their own.

Men, including me, need to shoulder more of the burden. It's time for them to step up to the plate -- and serve it to their kids. Men could start by pitching in more around the house, going to church with their families and turning off the TV to talk to their wife and kids.

When men get serious about being a husband and a dad -- and do so in that order -- it pays off. All members of traditional families generally do better financially, socially and even mentally than those in alternate family forms.

Some men, especially those who are married, are doing things right.

Sixty-eight percent of married mothers named their spouse as their primary source of emotional support. That number steeply drops off to 52 percent for co-habitators. And while most mothers felt responsible for day-to-day care of their children, nearly 50 percent said they share that responsibility with their spouse or partner.

This coming Mother's Day, let's be sure to tell our moms how special they are. And dads can prove they mean it by putting their words into action.

Brent Castillo is a member of The Eagle's editorial board. Reach him at 316-268-6516 or at bcastillo@wichitaeagle.com.

Labels: Barna Group, Brent Castillo, children, families, fathers, Institute for American Values, mothers, Mothers' Council, stay-at-home

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Saturday, April 14, 2007

Dad's Love Influences Child as Much as Mom's Love

A father's love -- or the lack of it -- contributes as much to the development of a child's personality and behavior as the love of a mother, according to researchers. In some respects, they add, a father's love is even more influential.

Probably the most important and most surprising finding of all is that the importance of mother love seems to drop out altogether in some of the analyses.

The researchers reviewed almost 100 US and European studies investigating the effects of parenting on the psychology and behavior of children as they grew older.

The earliest study was conducted in 1949, and the most recent was completed in 2001.
They report that the degree of acceptance or rejection a child receives -- and perceives -- from his or her father appears to affect his or her development as deeply as the presence or absence of a mother's love.

They note that the withholding of love by either the mother or the father is equally connected to a child's lack of self-esteem, emotional instability, withdrawal, depression and anxiety. And the risk of developing problems with aggression, drug and alcohol abuse, and delinquency was equally related to a child's rejection or acceptance by either parent.

The investigators also found that having the love and nurturing of either parent has an equally positive effect on a child's happiness, well-being and social and academic success from early childhood through young adulthood.

The team further found that in certain instances, the love of a father plays an even more important role than that of the mother. Many studies found a father's love to be the sole determining factor when it came to a child's problems with personality, conduct, delinquency or substance abuse.

The researchers don't want to suggest that a mother's love is less important than the love of a father. The research reveals an American cultural bias to overemphasize the role the mother plays in raising her children, at the expense of understanding and appreciating the equally crucial role of the father.

In certain aspects, father's love seems to have a particularly strong influence. So it seems clear that we have to move away from mother-bashing: assuming somehow that the mother is completely at fault for all the problems of her kids. And, hopefully, this information will encourage fathers all over the country to become more involved with their kids.

Review of General Psychology December 2001;5:382-405

Labels: children, Dr Mercola, fathers, mothers