Spiritual Advice and Guidance Blog: Urantia Book

Q: Does God forgive adultery? I was truly in love with this man, still am, although I am no longer in the relationaship. I know it was wrong, regardless of my love for him, and am profoundly sorry and overwhelmingly ashamed and terribly guilt ridden.

A: Let me put your mind at rest, if I can. God forgives ANYTHING, from what I understand of his loving and merciful nature. God has forgiven you even before you know you need forgiveness. What a great Dad he is!!!

I am not going to presume that your experiences with adultery constitute sin - it sounds as if you might have already made that judgment upon yourself. But adultery is certainly a violation of accepted mores. You say that you felt great affection for this man, and those feelings seemingly justified your, and his, actions. Even though you may have known that it was wrong, you did it anyway because it felt so right to love as you did. Of course, there are far-reaching consequences to such actions, and maybe you also experienced some of those, or saw them in the other people whose lives were affected by your decisions.

Love in its purest sense is the desire to do good to others - but real love must encompass all of our brothers and sisters, not just a special one here or there. Real, honest love will never be consciously selfish or hurtful to another - and that includes the spouse and family of the married man.

Maybe you'll be comforted by this quote of Jesus from The Urantia Book:

p1861:5(170:2.19) "Jesus taught that sin is not the child of a defective nature but rather the offspring of a knowing mind dominated by an unsubmissive will. Regarding sin, he taught that God has forgiven; that we make such forgiveness personally available by the act of forgiving our fellows. When you forgive your brother in the flesh, you thereby create the capacity in your own soul for the reception of the reality of God's forgiveness of your own misdeeds."

In order for you to feel forgiven you must now proceed with the business of forgiving all of those in your life who may have wronged YOU. This is no small task for most people, but it can be easily accomplished with the right frame of mind. It may include forgiving your former partner, as well.

Learn to look for God's will in all of this, and try to see a bigger picture. Get your mind off of yourself, and try to see in others the same kinds of personality foibles that created your own misdeeds, be they pride, greed, arrogance, or selfishness. Remember how easy it was for you to fall prey to these, and it may be much easier to see how another could err in the same way you did - maybe not by doing what you did, but in other ways. Then, forgiveness becomes easier. Eventually, you will find God's forgiveness in your own heart, if you open that heart to real sympathy with others and the trials they experience. Set everyone free from your own judgment.

The fact that you are remorseful is a good sign that you may now think more carefully about it if you are ever again faced with such a possibility. You know by its consequences in your, and other's lives, that what you did was not good, not Godly, and you can amend your life in accordance with that knowledge - and also, maybe help others who may be tempted to fall into the same trap. And I think you'll agree that it was a big trap.

We all make mistakes, and we all fall short of our highest ideals. It is the human condition. But the important thing to remember is that in every moment, we can make a new start, and we can change our ways of looking at things so that we don't repeat those mistakes again. The consciousness of guilt and remorse is the way we know we have done the wrong thing, and it speaks well of you that you are taking that to heart, rather than continuing to justify your actions.

But also I would add that you must forgive yourself. Stop dwelling on those feelings of regret, stop beating up on yourself, wipe the slate clean and start fresh with your life. This might be a good time to re-assess what love really means to you...? With God's help, fearlessly address the personal shortcomings that created the mental atmosphere in you in which you felt justified to proceed with your acts, and ask him for healing in those areas. It may not happen ovenight, but it will happen if you remain sincere of heart.

Most importantly, remember you are a beloved child of God - stand firmly on that solid truth - and he will never forsake you when you ask him for his help and mercy.

Labels: adultery, forgiveness, Jesus, love, remorse, The Urantia Book

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Adultery

Q: What says The Urantia Book about adultery? Is it a mistake to love a married man?

A#1: Adultery is not treated very extensively in The Urantia Book. It is mentioned only a handful of times, and then, mainly only in the context of evolution, where it had to to with ownership of women and property. There are a few mentions in the later portions of the book, and then, there is this event from Jesus' life:

Jesus was confronted by an angry crowd who had a woman in custody for being an adultress. They wanted Jesus to approve stoning her to death, which was the custom of the day, but it was a situation where the woman had been ill-treated by the husband, and coerced into selling her body for money for the husband. Jesus knew, of course, the whole story, and through his superb discernment, de-fused the entire situation, and the woman was set free. Jesus had no words of condemnation for this woman.

In another event, Jesus mentions adultery in this vignette involving a young man who wanted assurance of eternal salvation:

...as Jesus was going for a walk, [a] young man accosted him and said: "Master, I would know from you the assurances of eternal life. Seeing that I have observed all the commandments from my youth, I would like to know what more I must do to gain eternal life?" In answer to this question Jesus said: "If you keep all the commandments--do not commit adultery, do not kill, do not steal, do not bear false witness, do not defraud, honor your parents--you do well, but salvation is the reward of faith, not merely of works.

Since there is such a scarcity of real advice on this subject in The Urantia Book, I am going to try to answer your quesiton, but from my own perspective, tempered by my years of study with The Urantia Book, and with life...

It is never a mistake to love another person - but we must make the distinction here between love and sex. They are not necessarily connected, nor should they be, if in doing so, you cause harm to another. That is what adultery is - not just LOVING a married man, but allowing that love to cross the line into a sexual connection. And such an act CAN cause harm, and almost always DOES cause harm.

Fortunately, adultery is no longer treated as a capital crime, warranting death. But, I believe that any thinking and feeling person can discern that there is something not right about it - in priciple, if not in fact. There may be factors which contribute to a person's thinking that they are justified in having sex with another person's spouse. But in the final analysis, it is not a physically healthy, or morally correct thing to do.

We can certainly love whomever we please, but that love should not cross the line into adultery. Aside from the health aspect, there are the other spouse's feelings to consider. In its simplest form, adultery appears to me to be motivated by selfishness. And since true love is not selfish, it would also seem that adultery is neither loving nor uplifting for either party - certainly not for the betrayed spouse. And this does not even address the issue of children who may be involved, should this behavior jeopardize their relationship to either of their parents.

Here are a few Urantia Book quotes regarding love:

"Love is the outworking of the divine and inner urge of life. It is founded on understanding, nurtured by unselfish service, and perfected in wisdom."

"Love is the secret of beneficial association between personalities."

"Love is the desire to do good to others."

It appears to me that a person who is thinking about a liaison with a married man is thinking less about real, heartfelt, and honest love, and more about a selfish need for this person's affection, or attention. It bespeaks an ulterior motive that may not be healthy. And that is not love, but something else entirely, and not entirely good.

Again, this is my opinion, but I would think that since the taboo against adultery is one of the original ten commandments, one might be wise to avoid it.

Sincerely,

MaryJo
Truthbook.com

A#2: MaryJo has already provided an excellent reply from her perspective; I've made presumptions but I hope that you will find my reply providing additional insight.

Is it a mistake to love a married man? Certainly not, if you're his wife; most assuredly so if you're not, particularly if he has a family.

Even more than adultery The Urantia Book speaks forcefully for the importance of devotion to the family. So the focus for you would be not the love, but do you or does he have a family?

Consider Jesus' words relating to adult/child relationships:

"...But whosoever causes one of these little ones to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hanged about his neck and he were cast into the sea." Children require stability, peace, and a loving home environment in order to develop their potential.

"We know that any child can best relate himself to reality by first mastering the relationships of the child-parent situation and then by enlarging this concept to embrace the family as a whole. Subsequently the growing mind of the child will be able to adjust to the concept of family relations, to relationships of the community, the race, and the world, and then to those of the universe, the superuniverse, even the universe of universes." (8:1.11)

"Society itself is the aggregated structure of family units. Individuals are very temporary as planetary factors--only families are continuing agencies in social evolution. The family is the channel through which the river of culture and knowledge flows from one generation to another." (84:0.2)

"Marriage is not just an individualistic ideal; it is the evolving social partnership of a man and a woman, existing and functioning under the current mores, restricted by the taboos, and enforced by the laws and regulations of society." (83:8.8)

Character issues: Did this man profess vows when he married? If so is he not breaking some of them now? What could that indicate about his character and his sincerity? Can anyone really admire and respect someone who exhibits such character flaws? What does this indicate of your own character if you're willing to disrupt the lives of a man and his wife for personal gratification?

One of the attributes that distinguishes humans from animals is that animals only learn through experience, they have no ability for discrimination. Humans don't need experience in order to learn or to discover consequences -- we can determine beforehand what the consequences will be. Over time you will find this fruit to be bitter indeed.

Consider both the Golden Rule and the Ten Commandments. Whether these are actually God's laws or not may not be so meaningful as the fact that they are proven essential laws of civilization and society. The Golden Rule exhorts us to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Are you doing to this man's wife as you would wish another would do to you if you were in her place? For what reason would you think that the Ten Commandments contains the commandment that applies equally to men and women "Thou shall not commit adultery" ?

Thank you for your question and best wishes ...

Larry Watkins
Truthbook.Com

Labels: adultery, character, family, Jesus, Larry Watkins, love, marriage, Mary Jo, Ten Commandments, The Urantia Book

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

How does a person forgive a mother's wrong?

Q: How does a person forgive a mother's wrong (adultery)?

A: Perhaps it isn't up to you so much to forgive as it is to learn to accept the weaknesses or wrongs of another. God forgives; we must learn to let go and to accept things as they are.

Here are several paragraphs from The Urantia Book that may be of help to you â€“ the links will take you into the text of the book.

God is inherently kind, naturally compassionate, and everlastingly merciful. And never is it necessary that any influence be brought to bear upon the Father to call forth his loving kindness. The creature's need is wholly sufficient to insure the full flow of the Father's tender mercies and his saving grace. Since God knows all about his children, it is easy for him to forgive. The better man understands his neighbor, the easier it will be to forgive him, even to love him. (2:4.2)

In all your praying be fair; do not expect God to show partiality, to love you more than his other children, your friends, neighbors, even enemies. But the prayer of the natural or evolved religions is not at first ethical, as it is in the later revealed religions. All praying, whether individual or communal, may be either egoistic or altruistic. That is, the prayer may be centered upon the self or upon others. When the prayer seeks nothing for the one who prays nor anything for his fellows, then such attitudes of the soul tend to the levels of true worship. Egoistic prayers involve confessions and petitions and often consist in requests for material favors. Prayer is somewhat more ethical when it deals with forgiveness and seeks wisdom for enhanced self control. (91:4.3)

A wise man is occupied with the search for truth, not in seeking for a mere living. To attain the perfection of Heaven is the goal of man. The superior man is given to self adjustment, and he is free from anxiety and fear. God is with you; have no doubt in your heart. Every good deed has its recompense. The superior man murmurs not against Heaven nor holds a grudge against men. What you do not like when done to yourself, do not to others. (131:9.4)

It has been said that if one TRULY repents, one will be forgiven. BUT, we often times make the same mistake, even though we know the things we do are wrong and ask forgiveness again. Are we forgiven as many times as needed? OR are we forgiven once. I cannot seem to reconcile that. How many chances do I have before I'm given up on?

Your concerns seem to be based upon your understanding of the judgmental and wrathful God portrayed in the Bible. Other religions see other facets of God and in The Urantia Book we learn of the God that Jesus came to disclose to the world, a loving heavenly Father.

We're not divine beings, we're human beings, the lowest rung on the ladder of free will creatures. As such, we're prone to learn by making mistakes - in fact, we're expected to make mistakes. And in making mistakes we're not condemned because of them - sin and error are simply part of the makeup of being human.

God forgives our errors and our sins as we acknowledge them and ask for forgiveness. God never gives up on you. Jesus mentions forgiving the wrongdoer seventy times and seven - not many of us would commit the same mistake that many times without acquiring the lesson behind it so you can expect that you have more chances than you will ever use up.

The real question you've asked though is how bad can you be yet still be assured of everlasting survival. The Urantia Book makes it clear that our eternal survival is assured so long as we have a flicker of faith, have some measure of desire to do God's will, and choose to survive of our own volition. Even very bad people here on earth can meet those requirements. Those choosing to live bad lives will have most unhappy life experiences here although ample opportunity is provided for making amends once we've passed beyond this life.

One other aspect of your question comes to mind: what you're seeing as mistakes may or may not actually be mistakes. Differing cultures around the world judge the same action in various ways so what may be perceived as a mistake in one could be perceived as perfectly natural in another. What you may want to do, rather than condemn yourself, is to attempt to see your actions from God's perspective before judging yourself.

Labels: adultery, forgiveness, God, Jesus, prayer, survival, The Urantia Book

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