Spiritual Advice and Guidance Blog: Urantia Book

Q: How can I continually do what is right and also please the lord? I always find myself doing what I do not want to do, and it's killing me. Please help me.

A: I understand what you're asking... how to do the right thing when the wrong thing is easier. There is no magic thought or deed that can force you to do right, because God has endowed you with free will which is the freedom to choose between good and bad, right and wrong -- you're just as free to choose either one. Since you want to do what is right then you are already able to discern what is good/bad or right/wrong and you're having difficulty making the choice to do the good thing. You're fortunate, because some people seem unable to discern which is which.

This is where character comes into play. Is your character strong or weak? If it's weak then you have to begin to strengthen it through making a series of simple/easy choices and stick with them; for example... no chocolate for the rest of the week; no smoking or drinking for the next 10 days, go to bed before 10pm this month, give 25 cents to every needy person you see for the next two weeks, no swearing for 5 days... these kinds of simple decisions will require you to concentrate on following through with your decision. As the simple decisions become easier to stick to then the more difficult ones will be come easier too.

If you already have a strong character and you're just not making good choices it's because you're lazy. To improve on that use a similar technique to the above but choose to do the kind of things that combat laziness. You may also have to make some choices regarding who your real friends and associates should be.

Basically, what you have to do is to strengthen your sense of morality, your integrity, your virtue. The only gift you have to give to God is your decision to do his will in your life.

Morality has its origin in self-consciousness. The physical environment entails the battle for existence; social surroundings necessitate ethical adjustments; moral situations require making choices in the highest realms of reason.

Limitations of intellect, curtailment of education, deprivation of culture, impoverishment of social status, even inferiority of the standards of morality resulting from the lack of educational, cultural, and social advantages, cannot invalidate the presence of the divine spirit in such unfortunate and handicapped but believing individuals.

Morality can never be advanced by law or by force. It is a personal and freewill matter and must be disseminated by the contagion of the contact of morally fragrant persons with those who are less morally responsive, but who are also in some measure desirous of doing the Father's will.

Labels: character, free will, God, morality

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Thursday, February 09, 2006

Is sex before marriage bad or immoral?

Q: Is sex before marriage bad or immoral?

A: Let me begin this response to your thoughtful question by saying that The Urantia Book does not make moral edicts concerning sexual relationships. There are no, â€œThou shalt notsâ€� in the book. However, it does give us many reasons why our moral choices are vitally important to our spiritual growth and to human progress in general. It also gives us some great and practical advice concerning these matters. For instance: Paper 72, Government On A Neighboring Planet, and Paper 84, Marriage And Family Life, both give us guideposts the ideals human marriage and family relationships. Jesus also had some amazing things to say to John Mark about ideal family life in Paper 177, Wednesday, The Day Of Rest.

In the thirty years that I have studied these teachings one thing becomes absolutely apparent to me about matters like premarital sex. Each human must grapple with these decisions using their own highest understanding of personal morality, truth and righteousness. Each person must weigh all such moral decisions, like having sex out of wedlock, with utmost consideration for the meaning, value, and consequence of the decision. The Heavenly Father requires us to grow through prayerful and reflective decision making. That is, decisions based on our highest moral understanding and inner guidance. Consider the following quote: "The keys of the kingdom of heaven are: sincerity, more sincerity, and more sincerity. All men have these keys. Men use them--advance in spirit status--by decisions, by more decisions, and by more decisions. The highest moral choice is the choice of the highest possible value, and always--in any sphere, in all of them--this is to choose to do the will of God."

Each person has to determine what God's will is for himself or herself. I tried to help my own children to make intelligent decisions, not by demanding that they not do something, but by giving them the tools they need (in reality the education) to make wise decisions when confronted with difficult situations. We frankly discussed human sexuality, and I gave them the benefit of my experience. I told them what I wished someone had told me. Did they engage in premarital sex? Perhaps, I canâ€™t really say for sure. But if they did, I know that they completely understood that first and foremost, sex is how humans procreate. In other words, sex brings little humans into the world, and with little humans comes huge, even cosmic responsibilities. The first question any person should ask themselves before having sex is; â€œWould I want this man/woman to be the father/mother of my children?â€� Being a father or mother is, at the very least, a lifelong commitment.

Is sex before marriage bad or immoral? It certainly can be depending upon the intent of the people engaged in it. Mankind all too often engages in pleasure mania, doing something for no other reason than that it feels good, and becomes unwilling to make any effort to take responsibility for consequences that come with his or her actions, nor for spiritual growth or commitment.

As a woman, I feel that sex is the ultimate act of submission. We women open up and let another person enter into our most intimate and personal self. This, in my thinking, is never something to be taken lightly. Through this act of submission, we women risk not only our emotional well-being (as it is easy for a woman to fall under these circumstances) but we are also the ones who will take on the lion's share of responsibility in the case of pregnancy. If the man is not willing to take equal responsibility for the possible consequences of "sex" (childbearing) the results can be devastating for the woman. I think any wise woman will take time for careful consideration before having sex with anyone.

Ultimately, the real challenge for any of us humans is self-control. Anything that gives man pleasure can be abused. Any good thing can become a bad thing if it is done recklessly, excessively, or thoughtlessly. Well, that's my best thinking on this subject, and I hope it's helpful.

Thank you for a thought-provoking question.

Every blessing...Paula

Labels: children, marriage, morality, Paula, self-control, sex, The Urantia Book