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Every human in
our world experiences moments of self-reflection, doubt and skepticism.
We search for answers that help us define God's role in our lives and
our relevance to the universe and beyond. These are not new questions.
The Urantia Book can be a valuable source of enlightenment and comfort
when a soul is faced with Life's Toughest Questions. Click on a question
you've struggled with and discover The Urantia Book's perspective on
some of life's most difficult and frequently-asked questions.
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Q: I was unfaithful to my spouse ~ something I thought I'd never do. I
stopped the affair, but our marriage is now ending. I have huge regret
for my actions but can't get that chapter out of my head. I now feel
"blocked" spiritually, like I can't forgive myself and move
on. I feel like part of me is gone.
Please help.
A: I feel so sorry that you are suffering such painful regret. I
understand regret, as I suffered with it for quite awhile in my past -
still do, at times - but when it was at its worst, I was no good to
anyone...I can understand that space of inertia, where you can't really
move forward because the past is just too heavy around your heart...
Whatever your misdeeds were - in this case, infidelity - they are
already forgiven. I can say that with absolute certainty, and I hope
you can take that in and believe it as well. God has forgiven you,
especially since you have recognized and seem to have sincere remorse
for what you did.
You are right: a very important piece of forgiveness is to forgive
yourself. Jesus
said:
"My disciples must not
only cease to do evil but learn to do
well; you must not only be cleansed from all conscious sin, but you
must refuse to harbor even the feelings of guilt. If you confess your
sins, they are forgiven; therefore must you maintain a conscience void
of offense." (156:2.7)
That is kind of a "wow" statement, but it is very true. When we
continually harbor the feelings of sorrow and regret over our failings,
we simply cannot move forward. And so, it is important that you begin
to actively and seriously think about forgiving yourself.
One technique that was of some help to me during some particularly dark
days was to imagine that I was looking at my life as from the outside -
as if I was looking at a friend, perhaps. How would I respond to a
beloved friend or relative who was in the same situation I was in?
Would I withhold my love and care from her because she was unfaithful
to her husband? I can see she's sorry...and has taken steps to stop the
affair...would I shun her, and expect her to wallow in sackcloth and
ashes? Or would I say to her: "You know, we all make mistakes in life.
We all fall short of our ideals. One mistake does not define a whole
life. I love you, and I know you will do better in the future. You'll
learn from this, and it will never happen again"
In short, practice the same kind of compassionate love on yourself as
you would practice on a beloved friend or sister or brother. To refuse
to do so effectively says "no thanks" to God's forgiveness. Thinking
that you are unworthy of forgiveness is really an act of pride...there
is no one who cannot be forgiven - no one. Try to let this truth sink
into your inner being...
What you are going through cannot be
ignored or wished away. You do
have to deal with it, but it does not have to last forever. You say
that you feel spiritually blocked. This is understandable. I have some
suggestions from The Urantia Book; Take all, some, or none, but I want
you to know that it is the kind of truth revealed in The Urantia Book
that brought me back from the brink many years ago. I know that if you
are a truthseeker, you will always benefit from its truths and
comforts. And if you do this assignment, maybe you'll be too busy in
the present to want to dwell in the past. These activities will help
you live in the present moment, which is where we find God and open
that channel of relationship with him. God is our heavenly spirit
Father and he loves us with a fatherly affection. He wants to help you.
I would like to suggest that you begin your spiritual recovery by doing
a bit of reading in The Urantia Book. Start with Papers
1-5
- about God the Father and
his love for us, and perhaps you might like to read
Papers
100-103
- these are dealing with spiritual growth and reality of
religious
experience, and are mightily inspiring. Start with either one.
It is
important that you try to gain a larger view - one that is not
concentrated solely on your problems. You are a human being of eternal
destiny and you carry within you a Divine spark of God. I guarantee
that if you sincerely acknowledge the presence of God who walks through
your life with you, you will find new purpose and a way forward. Not
only that, but you will learn new ways of viewing your life and your
choices and you'll gain strength to deal with the
present problems you are experiencing as a result of this past
event.
Another suggestion I can offer is to find someone who needs you -
find someone who is worse off than you are and do some
service for them with no thought of repayment. There are lonely people
everywhere. Look for them...nursing homes, in homeless shelters,
women's shelters, hospice...there are volunteer positions you could add
to your
day - delivering meals to seniors through "Meals on Wheels"
for example. Find something to do. Fill your spare time with service to
others. Instead of lamenting your loss, you may find a part of you that
will fill the empty places. Again, this is an activity which encourages
present-moment living - the eternal NOW, where God can be found..
Said Jesus: "My
children, if there exists a true and
living connection between the child and the Father, the child is
certain to progress continuously toward the Father's ideals. True, the
child may at first make slow progress, but the progress is none the
less sure. The important thing is not the rapidity of your progress but
rather its certainty. Your actual achievement is not so important as
the fact that the direction of your progress is Godward. What you are
becoming day by day is of infinitely more importance than what you are
today." (147:5.7)
The fact that you are reaching out now says to me that you are turning
a corner. I am so glad that you chose Truthbook.com
as a place that you
felt good enough about to share this personal time in your life, and I
will agree with you in prayer right now that you will from this day
forward, seek truth, beauty and goodness in your life, and you will
find it.
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